For the past month I've been a lot of things. So much so, in fact, that the other day when a person asked how I was and what I've been up to I didn't know how to respond or where to begin.
I've been busy with work but I've also taken time to post about 80s movies (a type of hobby of mine). Steven and I go out every once in a while, whether it be to eat or go to the clubs or to do some shopping, so that's kept me busy, too. But another thing I've been doing is hosting karaoke at The Mix two nights a week. I suppose when I say I've been busy lately that would be an accurate statement.
I try to relax by late afternoon or by the end of the work day and have become quite successful at it. When we're not going out, Steven and I stay sit or lay on the sofa and watch a movie or whatever happens to catch our interest on the tele.
I don't rehearse as often as I used to. What had been piano practicing at least once a week has turned into more like once a month. I don't like that. Out of the 40+ years I've been playing the piano and singing, this is the least I've ever practiced. There's not much of a reason to, really. I'm not leading worship for church services on a regular basis anymore and I don't anticipate being in concert any time soon. In fact, it might even be a few years before I perform in front of people again. I liked doing it for a period of time, but then the "fire" or "passion" just wasn't there anymore. Perhaps it's because when I was in concert last year (four performances), attendance was so low that I figured, "Why bother?" Advertising was done, fliers were put up, word-of-mouth was achieved... a lot of time and money was invested. For the end result to be so dismal -- 25-30 in attendance -- was disheartening. Even people I hung out with on a regular basis or knew rather well didn't show up. It's not that I'm bad at what I do. I quite gifted. Even though a couple of the concerts didn't have any Christian, gospel or religious songs in them, people didn't show up. The feedback I got was because the concerts were held in a church. My response to that is "So what?"
The way I was raised is that friends are there for each other regardless. If one doesn't believe in God, that's fine. I can understand why. What I can't understand is not being able to be at a church for no more than an hour-and-a-half to support your friend simply because it offends a level of comfort. The church is a building. Is there a crucifix or religious symbols placed in various places? Certainly. It's a church. Was there preaching going on or Christian songs being sung or repentance being suggested for sins that should be atoned for? No. So I just don't get it. I doubt I ever will. Especially when the church I performed in was LGBT-friendly.
Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere else where I could just start over. Would I still want to be an apartment manager? I think so. I'm pretty good at it. Would I still want to be with Steven? Of course. Though we challenge each other sometimes within the small confines of our 1-bedroom apartment and disagree on a topic here and there, I still love him. I wish he and I were closer to family up north. His parents are getting up ther in age, he's missing out on the grandchildren growing up, and I think it'd be good for him to be closer to his children and sister and her family. It's not like we're in another state; we're only two hours or so away from them. I simply believe having family around is healthy for the soul as well as the mind and body (that is unless you can't stand your family). Every once in a while we'll talk about it, but then we come to the realization that not only are things going pretty good right now, the timing just isn't right. So, for now, we wait.
Presently my mind is wandering in various directions: What should or can we do this evening? What work needs to be done next week? What phone calls need to be made? What notices need to be given and to whom? What are we having for supper tonight? That's too many "what's." haha
Another question I have for me personally is why do I continually fail to remember important things I said or promised I'd do? Why am I not writing those things down, drilling them into my brain over and over again? I won't go into specifics, but I know that when I fail at upholding my word the consequence can be quite damaging.
I suppose this would be the place to stop for this entry. All in all, I hope to be a better person. Although I'm human and make mistakes, I know I have it in me to better next time... To not just live, but to live and learn.
Until next time... Cheers!
