Steven and I have known each other for about seven years now. We've been a couple for most of that time. As odd as it may seem, we've even broken up with each other twice. I won't get into details only to say we were together for a while, he broke up with me, in time we couldn't stand to be apart, so we got together again. Then, after quite some time passed, I broke up with him, we remained friends, talked a bit, understood some things, and then got back together. Crazy, right? But maybe not so much.
I say that because no matter how bad things may have gotten, I've learned to hold on to the good. Were we physically abusive? Absolutely not. I'm sure it would have been a different story then. In time, and when our wits came into play and when we calmed down a bit in our hearts and minds, we came to learn some things about each other as well as ourselves. We've learned when we both need to have our own space. We've discovered and accepted when we just need to shut up and not take things personal. I'm certain Steven has learned things about himself that he could work on. And I've learned that I need to work on not being so self-centered or selfish. Can you believe it? It's really not all about me! I know, right? When did that happen?!?
Through the years, I've learned that if I can laugh at it, I can live with it. When Steven and I got back together in the spring of 2012, I think I've laughed more since that time and yelled less. I've learned that life is 10% what happens and 90% how we respond to it. I've also learned that attitudes are contagious. And if that's so, what kind of "flu" or "bacteria" am I spreading?
Steven is 8 years older than me. Does that mean there's no hope for my trying to understand his way of doing or communicating things? Certainly not. If there's confusion about something or unclarity, we check in with each other to make sure we're on the same page. Communication is, after all, essential no matter what the relationship. Do we still falter and slip sometimes? Of course we do. No relationship is absolutely perfect. Too many times I have heard or read somewhere someone saying, "I'm looking for the perfect man." I guess they're waiting for Jesus. As for me, I have Steven. And Jesus. That's perfect enough for me.
Except for when we've been apart, Steven have done two things every day (well, more than two, really, but these two have really been important): 1) We hold hands, and 2) we tell each other, "I love you." And sometimes more than once a day. Whether someone is gay or straight, I truly believe that love is the glue that keeps people together. Hatred, bitterness, jealousy, unfaithfulness, disrespect, selfishness... all those and the like are components that dissolve and eat away at the glue.
Steven and I love each other. We laugh together almost daily. Will we get married one day? We'll see. We've talked about it. And I have a plan as to how I'd propose to him. But, believe it or not, Steven and I have both been married before. To women. I know, I know. Don't get me started. That's a story for another day. Anyway, we'd probably just have a ceremony of sorts. But for now, well, it's as if we've been a couple for a long, long time. And we have been. But we're stronger now than we were when we first started our relationship.
And I have no regrets. Actually, just one: I wish I could've been a better man for Steven years ago. But the good news is I'm striving to be a better man for him today. He deserves the best from me.
And he'll get it.
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