Before I divulge too much into my own life and with what all has been happening lately, I want to touch briefly on the horrible incident that took place earlier today in Boston. Two bombs exploded just as runners were crossing the finish line at the Boston Marathon. Well over 100 injured, some quite critically, and, thus far, a couple have been killed including an 8-year old child. When things like this happen, it saddens me. I get bothered and often wonder what the hell is wrong with people. What goes on in one's mind to think that inflicting pain and misery in people's lives is necessary? I simply can't fathom it. I don't want to. I hear of such horrific occurrences and I, even if just for a little while, lose faith in humanity. It makes me want to hermitize myself go live in a town with a population of no more than 1,000 people. I don't think "hermitize" is even a word, but I think you get the general idea. Anyway, my heart and prayers go out to all those affected by this senseless tragedy. I can only hope and pray that one day, someday, the madness will end.
If you didn't know, I've been playing the piano and singing since I was three years of age. I'm not perfect at it, but I will toot my own horn just a smidge and say that I'm pretty good. I'm able to sit down at the piano and just play. What one hears is that which being expressed from my heart. In such cases there have been times when I've had to record the music knowing full well that I'd never be able to go back and play the music the same way again. I also play by ear. There have been times when I've been the preferred pianist at church crusades and whatnot because if the special speaker was going to re-route him or herself onto the chorus of a song, I'd be able to play right along, even if I had never heard the song before.
I've been ministering in music since I was a teenager. I've traveled the west coast of the U.S. (and other states) as well as various places in the U.K. I've recorded independent CDs of songs that I've written and even had a couple of them aired on independent radio stations. When a church I belonged with had a half-hour program on a local TBN affiliate station, I was the singer for their episodes (that went on for about a year). Basically, you name it, I've done it. Not on a huge grandiose scale as most, but I'm proud of the achievements accomplishments I've made. I will say this: no one can put a price on the impact people have have received because of the ministry God has given me and done through me by the power of His Holy Spirit. The expression on their faces -- the looks of joy, the tears, the gratitude -- I will never forget. There were times when I'd be at the local mall with my friends and a stranger would recognize me, come up to me and say something like, "Thank you so much for your ministry!" On one particular occasion that happened and afterward my friend asked, "Who was that?" To which I responded honestly, "I have no idea."
Understand this: That all happened whilst I was a closeted gay man. I imagined myself being in a restaurant with a boyfriend, holding hands with him, and then someone coming up to me and saying, "Aren't you the guy I saw on TBN? What are you doing?!?" And that would devastate not only me, but my ministry as well. Having said that, I didn't come "out" until I was in my mid-thirties. I was even married once! But that's another story altogether.
Anyway, I've spent the past couple of years now getting back into the ministering aspect of things: leading worship, sharing music, performing in concert, even preaching. And all at gay-friendly churches. It's been a few years since I've written songs of my own, and, as of late, I've been feeling those creative juices flowing. It's a goal of mine -- a hope -- that I can be in concert again sometime in July. When I was in concert last year, it had been almost 10 years since I had done so in a church, or anywhere else for that matter. The feeling I had performing/ministering in music was of absolute joy. I was incredibly thankful not just for the ability to have done so, but that God chose to move through me and share my talent and gifting to others.
I have some rehearsing to do. I know I should have delved into sharing information about work, my relationship with Steven, and other things... and there are definitely other things to share! But I must go rehearse. I don't have a piano at home, so I've made arrangements to go to my church for an hour and a half just once a week (not nearly enough) and practice on the grand piano in the sanctuary. Which is where I'm headed now.
So, this is short. I know. I'll make up for it soon enough. I promise.
Until then...
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